


You Still Have All of Me

by Song_of_the_Black_Wolf



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 13:18:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11669916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf/pseuds/Song_of_the_Black_Wolf
Summary: After more than 10 years, Eren's father drops into his life again . . . only for a few minutes, but it's enough to set Eren's emotions off balance and make him question his relationship with his long time boyfriend, Levi.





	You Still Have All of Me

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song ‘My Immortal Lyrics’ by Evanescence. Lyrics have been modified to fit the story. I do not own AOT or any of its characters (well, DUH!) nor do I own ‘My Immortal Lyrics’ (again, DUH!). AU, non-canon & OOC. Eren’s POV: Warnings – YAOI with no lemons (sorry. no smut this time). Mostly fluff.

It‘s been three weeks since my estranged father came storming back into my life. It’s been three weeks since my lover started avoiding me. It’s been three weeks that I’ve felt alone in my bed, though my lover lay sleeping beside me. It’s been three weeks with nothing more than civil greetings, meals eaten alone and my lover closed up in his music room, working. It’s been three weeks with no soft caresses, no kisses and no hugs. Three weeks – and it’s all my father’s fault! Why did he have to show up and ruin everything?

Oh, yeah, my lover is none other than the world famous pianist/singer/composer Levi Ackerman. How did an ordinary guy like me end up the lover of such a famous performer? We met my first year in high school. He was one year ahead of me, but we had the same free period that first year. I worked in the school library for extra credits and Levi was always in there studying. I remember the first time I saw him. 

It was my first day working the library when I saw him walk in. Even back then he was already gaining notability as a first rate pianist and singer, so I knew who he was immediately. He already had a CD out and I had loaded it into my MP3 player and listened to it all the time. But when I saw him in person that first time, I swear my heart skipped a beat. He was beautiful! That thought kinda caught me off guard since I’d never thought about my sexuality before that moment and had never considered that I might be gay. 

But there he was; Levi Ackerman. He was a lot shorter than I thought he’d be – only 5’2” or 5’3”. His straight, shiny hair was as black as a raven’s wing and parted slightly to one side and was fashioned in an undercut that suited his face well, and his flawless skin was like fine alabaster. But what drew me in the most was the intensity of his steely, cool grey eyes. He may be small, but then, as now, his mere presence was larger than life. He noticed me staring at him, and little imp just gave me a wink of his eye and went to take as seat by one of the windows. I could feel my face turning hot and red; I just wanted to sink through the floor with embarrassment. 

He’s always been a brazen little bugger. As he was leaving the library that first day, he stopped by the desk and asked me out for coffee. He laughed at my flustered reaction as I accepted. We started actually dating a couple of weeks later. We started having sex a month after that. I never would have imagined that sex with another man could ever be so beautiful, and feel so incredible – not that I’d had any prior experience – but it was that: beautiful. We went to college together; Levi studying music while becoming ever more famous, and I studied to become a vet tech. I love animals.

We’ve always had a lot in common; a love of being outdoors in nature, music, animals (which is a good thing since I have three cats, a dog, two turtles, a bearded dragon and Flemish Giant rabbit – Oh! an aquarium of coi and goldfish.). He’s a little bit of a clean freak, so when we first moved into the same house together, he loved the cats and rabbit since they’re all litter box trained, but all the hair left him sweeping and dusting constantly. Kinda funny to watch actually – him wearing a white kerchief over his hair and another over his nose and mouth while he cusses about all the hair and dust and mud. 

I like his family too. He’s lived on his own since he was in middle school (lucky!) due to ‘special circumstances’ that I’ve never been able to figure out. But his parents and family still lived only a couple hour’s drive away, so he went to visit often and brought me with him. His mother is a lovely, elegant woman, but except for his jet black hair, he looks nothing like her. He’s the spitting image of his father. Both are outgoing and kind and have always welcomed me with open arms. They even accept and encourage our relationship. He’s an only child and they dote on him. His uncle, Kenny, is an avid outdoorsman and can tell tall tales and whopper fish stories like no other! He’s loads of fun to listen to over the dinner table at holidays and celebrations.

We’re both out of college now, and Levi is currently a full time performer traveling all over the world. He insists on taking me with him, and I have no complaints about that. As a little kid, I’d always dreamed of seeing the world. I should have known my life was a little too perfect; if something is too good to be true, it usually is. 

Oh, yeah. My dad. He’s a really high profile architect. When Mom was alive, he was the greatest dad ever. We were the stereotypical American family that went on picnics, vacationed at the beach and ate dinner together every night. My older sister, Mikasa and I, had always felt loved. But the night my mother died because she and her sister were run over by a drunk driver, everything changed. We had been walking home from the pool with my aunt and cousin, Armin. Armin and I were pushed out of the way and the car struck our moms. It’s an image that will haunt me the rest of my life.

Armin’s dad, Uncle Erwin, moved across the country to be with his own family, and just like that I had lost my mother and my best friend in one fell swoop. It was especially hard on Dad, though. He never recovered. He began drinking and becoming violent. Mikasa was lucky. She was away at college, so her memories of childhood would always remain sweet and perfect; I envy her that.

It was as if Dad blamed me for Mom’s death. I went through middle school dreading going home and finding Dad there. Luckily, he was away on business most of the time, but the times he was at home, I would end up crying myself to sleep covered in cuts and bruises and the occasional broken rib. That was why when Levi wanted me to move in with him during my first year of high school, I leapt at the chance. It’s been almost ten years since I’d last seen my father. I hadn’t even told him I was leaving. He was away at the time, so I just packed up my things and left. He could’ve found me at the high school if he’d wanted to, but I never heard anything. I don’t like to admit it, but that really hurt.

Now, back to three weeks ago. Levi and I had just gotten back from his latest tour over in Japan and he was working on some new songs for the upcoming CD. Levi had stopped for a break and we were just sitting down to lunch when there was a knock at the front door. I went to answer it assuming it was a delivery of some sort, since all of our friends know they can just come in the back door without knocking. 

I was at a loss as to what I was supposed to be feeling when I saw my father on the other side of the door. I had all but forgotten about him and assumed he was out of my life forever. I was angry, hurt, scared and . . . well, I wouldn’t exactly call it happy . . . maybe, hopeful? “Hello, Son,” he said. “May I come in and talk with you?”

“Uh, sure.” I still didn’t know what to think as I opened the door further to let him in and then led him into the kitchen. “Um, this is Levi,” I told him as I offered him a seat at the table we were having lunch at. “Levi, this is my dad, Grisha Jaeger.”

Levi knew of what had transpired ten years ago, and he looked equally uneasy about this meeting, but he just nodded politely. “Mr. Jaeger.” Gawd I love that smooth, clear baritone voice of his!

“Do you want something to eat or drink . . . Dad?” It felt strange to be calling the man I hadn’t seen in a decade ‘Dad’. It was as if he were a complete stranger.

“No. Thank you. I’m fine, Eren. I was hoping to speak with you in private, if I may.”

He was being uncharacteristically polite, and that made me even more uneasy. I was about to protest and say that anything he had to tell me could be said in front of my lover, but before I could, Levi stood up from the table, taking his plate and drink with him. “I have a lot of work to do in the music room anyway. I’ll give you two some privacy.”

I didn’t want Levi to leave. I didn’t want to face my father alone. I know Levi’s just trying to be considerate and give me some privacy, but I really needed his strength and love supporting me. I nervously sat down across from my father. “It’s been a while,” I said lamely.

My father was still looking where Levi had left the room with a dubious expression on his face. “What is Levi Ackerman doing in your home? I didn’t realize you knew anyone famous.”

“Actually, he owns this house. We live here together. We met in high school and went to college together,” I explained.

“And you’re still living with him? You’re not a homosexual, are you?” The way he asked that question made a knot form in the pit of my stomach.

“We love each other,” I replied nervously.

I was really nervous when he raised a disapproving eyebrow at me and stood up from his seat. “Apparently coming here was a mistake,” he said evenly. “I can’t afford to have it known that my son is the whore of a famous performer. It may be good for his business to have a gay love affair, as it attracts more girls, but it is NOT good for my business. My clients expect me to have a normal family. I was hoping to be able to introduce you to some of them, but I can’t afford the embarrassment.” 

Now I was just getting angry. Where does he get off thinking he can just show up after a ten year absence and start hating on my lifestyle? I’m an adult for cryin’ out loud! I can live however I see fit as long as I’m not hurting anyone. Worse still, the only reason the bastard’s here is because he thought I might be good for his image, not because he actually cared or anything. “I suggest you leave now, Mr. Jaeger,” I told him darkly. I couldn’t even bring myself to call him ‘Dad’. 

The man turned to leave. “I think that’s a very good idea, Eren. From now on I don’t want anyone to know we’re related. I won’t have it said that my son is star chaser shacking up with someone famous for the prestige.”

Oh, I wanted to punch him so bad! I just pointed towards the front door. “Out! Now!”

After door slammed behind him, I sank back into my seat at the table and began to cry. He’d really gone out of his way to piss me off, but at the same time, it really hurt. It hurt worse than when he’d not come looking for me when I’d first left home. Why in the bloody blue blazes did he come looking for me anyways? I finally went to lock the front door, but when I looked out the window, I saw my father standing beside his car talking to Levi. When did Levi step outside? And why was he talking to my father? Levi looked really pissed; but then, so did my father.

My father finally slammed his car door an took off. Levi watched him go with a scary looking scowl on his face. He then sighed and looked sad as he turned to walk back up the stairs into the house. What had my father said to him? Before Levi saw me, I turned and ran into the bathroom and shut the door. I didn’t want him to see me crying. It was a stupid thing to do; I should have stayed at the door and explained everything to Levi then. When he knocked on the bathroom door and asked if I was okay, I actually yelled at him to go away and leave me alone. Yeah . . . real mature.

Since that day, we’ve hardly spoken. Levi just spends all of his time working in the music room. When he finally does come to bed, he just gets in and goes to sleep without a word. He’s usually still asleep when I get up, so we barely even see each other. I’m so afraid to talk to him about it now. Did I hurt Levi’s feelings by not talking to him about what my father had said? I’d be hurt if I were him. Do I really think so little of our relationship – do I think so little of Levi, that I’m afraid to talk about this because I’m afraid he won’t love me anymore? After all these years; after all we’ve told each other, why am I so scared now? Am I really just with him for the prestige like my father said? I’m such a horrible person! I’ve hurt the only person I’ve ever loved. I can feel unshed tears sting my eyes.

Levi walks out of the bedroom, adjusting the cuffs of one of his favorite shirts to wear at concerts. He looks at me sitting on the sofa in a pair of baggy jersey pants and a worn out tee shirt, my bare feet up on the coffee table as I watch TV. “You are coming to the concert tonight aren’t you?” he asks me. “I’m going to play a new song tonight and I’d really like you to hear it.”

Shit! That’s right! He’s giving a concert at the local concert hall tonight! Double shit! I’m not dressed! Triple shit! I’m not even showered yet! I leap off the sofa and race past him into the bedroom. “You go on ahead without me or you’ll be late. I’ve got to shower first,” I call to him over my shoulder as I begin going through my dresser and closet for something to wear.

“But you will come, right?” 

“Of course! I’ll be in the front row as always. I promise.” I assured him as I finally found my favorite pair of fading black jeans.

“Alright. I’ll see you there.” There was a note in his voice that I wasn’t familiar with – almost as if he were nervous. That’s silly! Levi never gets nervous!

I shower as quickly as I can. I’m so relieved he still wants me to come, but I’m still thinking uneasy thoughts about our relationship. Is it really so fragile that one short visit from my estranged father can shatter it? Am I really this shallow? NO! If that were true, then we never loved each other in the first place. I KNOW I love Levi. He’s the only one I’ve ever loved, the only one I ever could love!

I start hastily pulling on my clothes and give my unruly hair one last, pointless run through with a comb, grab my car keys and run out the door. I DO love him! And I’m going to tell him that tonight as soon as the concert is over!

What is with all this traffic?! Shit! I’m going to be late! I check my phone for any news on the traffic situation. Dammit! There’s a traffic accident up ahead and I’m stuck on this bridge! I can’t even turn around! What’s Levi going to think when he looks down in the front row an I’m not there?! I’m beginning to panic. The concert has started and I’m still out on the bridge in traffic. By now he knows I’m not there. He’ll think I broke my promise! He’ll think I’m mad at him! I franticly text his phone. 

*Levi. I’m so sorry. There’s and accident on the pike and I’m stuck on the Sullivan Bridge. (T.T) I’ll get there as soon as I can.*

I can only hope he checks his messages at intermission.

The concert is damn near over when I finally run down and take my seat in the center of the front row. Levi notices my entrance and an ecstatic, relieved smile spreads across his face. GAWD, he’s gorgeous when he smiles!! I melt into a gooey puddle of mush every time I see it. 

He’s seated at the piano as always and begins to speak, the microphone headset transmitting his perfect voice into the furthest reaches of the concert hall. “My last song this evening is going to be a new one that I’ve been working on for the last few weeks. It’s a special song that I’ve written especially for my one and only love, Eren Jaeger.”

My heart leaps into my throat as a chorus of mushy “Awwww” goes up from the crowd around me. He just told the whole world that he loves me!! 

The piano begins to play, and the orchestra joins in. He begins to sing and I’m instantly lost in the sound of his magnificent voice and the words bring tears to my eyes as my heart soars through the roof.

I’m so tired of being here  
Suppressed by all my childish fears  
But I’m scared to believe  
Please let your presence linger here  
And please don’t leave me alone

These wounds that you did heal, this love is just to real  
There’s just too much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears  
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me.

You can still captivate me by your resonating light  
Now, I’m bound by the life you lead with me  
Your face it fills all my pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chases away all the sanity in me

These wounds that you did heal, this love is just to real  
There’s just so much that time cannot erase

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears  
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me.

I’ve tried to tell myself you’re really here  
But though you’re here with me, I can’t believe you’re still my own

When you cried, I’d wipe away all of your tears  
When you’d scream, I’d fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have all of me. You still have all of me. You’ll always have all of me.

The last note fades into the night, and after a moment of awed silence, the crowd erupts into a standing ovation. Hot tears are running down my face like the Hoover Dam broke and my legs are reduced to jelly. I’m just sitting here sobbing like a complete idiot. And I am an idiot! All this time worrying about our relationship!

I’m still trembling as I run backstage and throw my arms around his neck. “Thank you so much, Levi! That was the most beautiful gift ever!”

He pulls back and places his hands on either side of my face. “I was afraid you weren’t coming.”

“You didn’t check your messages. I got caught in traffic on the Sullivan Bridge because of an accident. I felt so horrible thinking I was missing the concert!”

Levi wraps his strong arms around my waist and tenderly kisses my neck. “You’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

“Listen, Eren, I know your father said some horrible things to you that day. I was so afraid that maybe I was coming between you. But then he told me that the only reason you were with me was because I was famous and you wanted the prestige. I damn near punched his nose in for that! I know you didn’t get the love you deserved growing up, but you have my love now and always, and I want you to always know that.”

“I was so scared of what my father said to you because we’ve hardly spoken or touched since then. I just . . .” I could feel tears beginning to run down my cheeks again.

“Eren! I’m sorry!” I can see tears forming in the corners of Levi’s intense eyes as he apologizes. “I had no idea I was upsetting you! I was working so hard on this song . . . I got to bed so late at night that I didn’t want to disrupt your sleep, so I . . . I’m such a fool, Eren!”

I start laughing through my tears. “It’s okay now! It’s in the past. That song is so beautiful! You’ll never know how much it means to me!”

Levi delicately brushes a few strands of hair off my forehead with his long tapered fingers. “I was going to wait until later this evening after dinner, but . . . I . . . shit! I never thought it would be this hard!” He takes a long, deep breath. “You’re my best friend Eren; my lover, my light, my everything. I want to have you always at my side. I want to share every moment of life with you. I want to grow old with you. I . . . want you to marry me.”

Wait. What’s happened to my voice? Why isn’t anything coming out?! SNAP OUT OF IT YOU MORON!!! Finally I gasp out, “Of course I will! You will always have all of me!”

I can’t tell you what the future holds. I don’t know what kind of struggles Levi and I will face in our lives together. What I do know, is that in this moment, I am happier than I’ve ever been before. I know that in this very moment, I have all of Levi and that Levi has all of me. I know that in this moment, I love Levi more than any other person and that he loves me the same. I also know this; when we are old and grey and have weathered all of life’s storms and sunshine, Levi will still have all of me, and I will still have all of Levi.


End file.
